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Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.

Jeremy Clarkson

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Jeremy Clarkson
Age: 64
Born: 1960
Born: April 11
Broadcaster
Film Producer
Journalist
Television Presenter
Writer
Jeremy Charles Robert Clarkson
Transmitted
Sexually
Diseases
Disease
Best
Good
Syphilis

More quotes by Jeremy Clarkson

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Italy's youngsters complain, apparently, about having to live at home until they are 72 but that's because they spend all their money on suits and coffee and Alfa Romeos rather than mortgages.
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I love Alfa Romeos and that [Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio] was tremendous.
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If the Scottish want to break away, I shall stand on Hadrian's Wall with a teary handkerchief, and say: 'Good riddance to the lot of you, and take your stupid bagpipes with you.'
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If a football official were to call for a slow-motion replay every time Didier Drogba fell over, each match would last about six weeks.
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I dish the dirt out and I can take it. But why should my mother and children have to take it?
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I don't think I am particularly funny. In fact, I know I'm not.
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I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating tw*t
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Ambition is a very dangerous thing because either you achieve it and your life ends prematurely, or you don't, in which case your life is a constant source of disappointment. You must never have ambition.
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The newest Ferrari of them all, the 458, the Italia. The GT3 was good, but nowhen near as good as this... almost nothing on Earth is as good as this... Set that something I've just told, involving Cameron Diaz... and some honey... then it comes that even that isn't as good as this.
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I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said: 'Can we borrow yours?' and he said, 'Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.'
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Nothing can prepare you for the yawning chasm of time that passes in Canada before the healthcare system actually does any healthcare.
Jeremy Clarkson
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I wore a groove in the kitchen floor with endless trips to the fridge, hoping against hope that I had somehow missed a plateful of cold sausages on the previous 4,000 excursions. Then, for no obvious reason, I decided to buy a footstool.
Jeremy Clarkson
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I'm not capable of having an affair. You can ask my wife. I'm not physically capable.
Jeremy Clarkson
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This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.
Jeremy Clarkson
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Governments would rather spend their money on another bomber than education, and why do we fear black men when every bit of suffering in our lives has a Caucasian face attached to it?
Jeremy Clarkson
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This is perfect for India because everyone who comes here gets the trots.
Jeremy Clarkson
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There are many rules for the elderly in the Highway Code. I have one too, and here it is: get a bloody move on.
Jeremy Clarkson
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Planet Earth thought it had £10. But it turns out we only had £2. Which means everyone must lose 80% of their wealth
Jeremy Clarkson
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Asking the front wheels of a car to do their normal job of steering while handling more than 170 is like asking a man to wire a plug while juggling. Penguins. While making love. To a beautiful woman while on fire, on stage. In front of the Queen. It's all going to go wrong.
Jeremy Clarkson
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Selling through the internet seems to be a very good idea. There are a million areas that we can go to.
Jeremy Clarkson