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I'm not capable of having an affair. You can ask my wife. I'm not physically capable.

Jeremy Clarkson

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Jeremy Clarkson
Age: 64
Born: 1960
Born: April 11
Broadcaster
Film Producer
Journalist
Television Presenter
Writer
Jeremy Charles Robert Clarkson
Asks
Physically
Affair
Capable
Wife

More quotes by Jeremy Clarkson

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The newest Ferrari of them all, the 458, the Italia. The GT3 was good, but nowhen near as good as this... almost nothing on Earth is as good as this... Set that something I've just told, involving Cameron Diaz... and some honey... then it comes that even that isn't as good as this.
Jeremy Clarkson
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Do not cruise through red lights. Because if I'm coming the other way, I will run you down, for fun.
Jeremy Clarkson
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When you've finished using a car, put the f***ing seat back, so humans can use it afterwards.
Jeremy Clarkson
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Asking the front wheels of a car to do their normal job of steering while handling more than 170 is like asking a man to wire a plug while juggling. Penguins. While making love. To a beautiful woman while on fire, on stage. In front of the Queen. It's all going to go wrong.
Jeremy Clarkson
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Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?
Jeremy Clarkson
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This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.
Jeremy Clarkson
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Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
Jeremy Clarkson
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I'm not only in touch with my feminine side, I'm in touch with my gay side as well.
Jeremy Clarkson
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You have city centre pubs where men go to meet girls, not realising that all girls in city centre pubs have thighs like tug boats and morals that would surprise a zoo animal.
Jeremy Clarkson
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I dish the dirt out and I can take it. But why should my mother and children have to take it?
Jeremy Clarkson
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Cows eat grass and silage. This is melting the ice caps and killing us all. So they need a new foodstuff: something that is rich in iron, calcium and natural goodness. Plainly they cannot eat meat so here is an idea to chew on. Why not feed them vegetarians?
Jeremy Clarkson
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I think it's a good idea to tie Peter Mandelson to a van. Such an act would be cruel and barbaric and inhuman. But it would at least cheer everyone up a bit.
Jeremy Clarkson
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If the Scottish want to break away, I shall stand on Hadrian's Wall with a teary handkerchief, and say: 'Good riddance to the lot of you, and take your stupid bagpipes with you.'
Jeremy Clarkson
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That [Pagani] Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.
Jeremy Clarkson
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If a football official were to call for a slow-motion replay every time Didier Drogba fell over, each match would last about six weeks.
Jeremy Clarkson
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Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.
Jeremy Clarkson
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I love Alfa Romeos and that [Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio] was tremendous.
Jeremy Clarkson
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[on the BMW X3] If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and think you are an onion, here's your car.
Jeremy Clarkson
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We live in the worst country in the world. At least we do for lazy, inefficient, office-bound police, whose response to an extraordinary rise in violent crime is to order more speed cameras.
Jeremy Clarkson
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In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled. Usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.
Jeremy Clarkson