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We live in the worst country in the world. At least we do for lazy, inefficient, office-bound police, whose response to an extraordinary rise in violent crime is to order more speed cameras.
Jeremy Clarkson
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Jeremy Clarkson
Age: 64
Born: 1960
Born: April 11
Broadcaster
Film Producer
Journalist
Television Presenter
Writer
Jeremy Charles Robert Clarkson
Crime
Cameras
Office
Rise
Worst
Violent
Least
Speed
Inefficient
Order
Police
Offensive
Live
Response
Lazy
Country
Extraordinary
Bound
World
Whose
Bounds
More quotes by Jeremy Clarkson
[on the BMW X3] If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and think you are an onion, here's your car.
Jeremy Clarkson
I'm not capable of having an affair. You can ask my wife. I'm not physically capable.
Jeremy Clarkson
A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.
Jeremy Clarkson
You know what, I distinctly remember my boat blew up and I was killed!
Jeremy Clarkson
Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.
Jeremy Clarkson
They are by far the worst drivers. They are spiteful, dithering, old and in the way. They should have their licences taken away.
Jeremy Clarkson
You're a car, but most of all, what you are, what you've become, is a mate. And that's what makes a car special. That's what makes a car great. You start to think of it as a person. You start to love it.
Jeremy Clarkson
I'm not only in touch with my feminine side, I'm in touch with my gay side as well.
Jeremy Clarkson
Governments would rather spend their money on another bomber than education, and why do we fear black men when every bit of suffering in our lives has a Caucasian face attached to it?
Jeremy Clarkson
Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish Delight. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
Jeremy Clarkson
Ambition is a very dangerous thing because either you achieve it and your life ends prematurely, or you don't, in which case your life is a constant source of disappointment. You must never have ambition.
Jeremy Clarkson
.. international hand of freindship. A cigarette
Jeremy Clarkson
I mean its a weekly occurrence that somebody will complain that Top Gear was on last night - and you just sit back and wait for the complaints. But if you start to pay attention to everyones concerns, you end up with something bland and boring. So you sort of have to ignore everybody in order to do the show how we want to do it.
Jeremy Clarkson
I have a pathological terror of falling through ice. I nearly drowned once. I fell off a boat and got a cramp, and was rescued by an oil-rig diver, a great bear of a man who simply leant into the water and scooped me out with one finger.
Jeremy Clarkson
Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what BEING STABBED?
Jeremy Clarkson
I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating tw*t
Jeremy Clarkson
This is perfect for India because everyone who comes here gets the trots.
Jeremy Clarkson
This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.
Jeremy Clarkson
You have city centre pubs where men go to meet girls, not realising that all girls in city centre pubs have thighs like tug boats and morals that would surprise a zoo animal.
Jeremy Clarkson
Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
Jeremy Clarkson