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When you've finished using a car, put the f***ing seat back, so humans can use it afterwards.

Jeremy Clarkson

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Jeremy Clarkson
Age: 64
Born: 1960
Born: April 11
Broadcaster
Film Producer
Journalist
Television Presenter
Writer
Jeremy Charles Robert Clarkson
Offensive
Seats
Finished
Using
Car
Use
Back
Afterwards
Humans
Seat

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I think it's a good idea to tie Peter Mandelson to a van. Such an act would be cruel and barbaric and inhuman. But it would at least cheer everyone up a bit.
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Like every big organisation these days, the BBC is obsessed with the wellbeing of those who set foot on its premises. Studios must display warning notices if there is real glass on the set, and the other day I was presented with a booklet explaining how to use a door. I am not kidding.
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...it seemed appropriate that I should develop some kind of illness. This is a good idea when you are at a loose end because everything, up to and including herpes, is better than being bored.
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This is perfect for India because everyone who comes here gets the trots.
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The problem is that television executives have got it into their heads that if one presenter on a show is a blonde-haired, blue-eyed heterosexual boy, the other must be a black Muslim lesbian.
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When I was 16, I wanted to look like Lord Byron. It's not really a haircut so much as a hair-not-cut, but I've never changed it. It's a bit Byron, a bit Don Juan DeMarco and other things that I aspire to be.
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Planet Earth thought it had £10. But it turns out we only had £2. Which means everyone must lose 80% of their wealth
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Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.
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This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.
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Nothing can prepare you for the yawning chasm of time that passes in Canada before the healthcare system actually does any healthcare.
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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?
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I'm not only in touch with my feminine side, I'm in touch with my gay side as well.
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Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?
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Americans are good at herding Bison. The end.
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Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sportscar in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.
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You have city centre pubs where men go to meet girls, not realising that all girls in city centre pubs have thighs like tug boats and morals that would surprise a zoo animal.
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I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said: 'Can we borrow yours?' and he said, 'Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.'
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Being smarter than you look is better than looking smarter than you are.
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I dish the dirt out and I can take it. But why should my mother and children have to take it?
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Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.
Jeremy Clarkson