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I therefore have to use The Force. And weirdly, this doesn't work very well. I don't understand why, because on the last census, I put my religion down as Jedi Knight.

Jeremy Clarkson

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Jeremy Clarkson
Age: 64
Born: 1960
Born: April 11
Broadcaster
Film Producer
Journalist
Television Presenter
Writer
Jeremy Charles Robert Clarkson
Wells
Therefore
Well
Lasts
Work
Last
Religion
Force
Weirdly
Understand
Census
Use
Knight
Doesn
Knights

More quotes by Jeremy Clarkson

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Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sportscar in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.
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This is perfect for India because everyone who comes here gets the trots.
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Do not cruise through red lights. Because if I'm coming the other way, I will run you down, for fun.
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That [Pagani] Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.
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The newest Ferrari of them all, the 458, the Italia. The GT3 was good, but nowhen near as good as this... almost nothing on Earth is as good as this... Set that something I've just told, involving Cameron Diaz... and some honey... then it comes that even that isn't as good as this.
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Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.
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I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said: 'Can we borrow yours?' and he said, 'Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.'
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Being smarter than you look is better than looking smarter than you are.
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I'm sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.
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Americans are good at herding Bison. The end.
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It's just thinking of funny things that will amuse us and entertain us and we'll come and do it.
Jeremy Clarkson
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When I was 16, I wanted to look like Lord Byron. It's not really a haircut so much as a hair-not-cut, but I've never changed it. It's a bit Byron, a bit Don Juan DeMarco and other things that I aspire to be.
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Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?
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You're a car, but most of all, what you are, what you've become, is a mate. And that's what makes a car special. That's what makes a car great. You start to think of it as a person. You start to love it.
Jeremy Clarkson
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I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?
Jeremy Clarkson
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Cows eat grass and silage. This is melting the ice caps and killing us all. So they need a new foodstuff: something that is rich in iron, calcium and natural goodness. Plainly they cannot eat meat so here is an idea to chew on. Why not feed them vegetarians?
Jeremy Clarkson
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If a football official were to call for a slow-motion replay every time Didier Drogba fell over, each match would last about six weeks.
Jeremy Clarkson
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I'm having a nice cold pint and waiting for this to blow over.
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Like every big organisation these days, the BBC is obsessed with the wellbeing of those who set foot on its premises. Studios must display warning notices if there is real glass on the set, and the other day I was presented with a booklet explaining how to use a door. I am not kidding.
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You know what, I distinctly remember my boat blew up and I was killed!
Jeremy Clarkson