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[on the BMW X3] If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and think you are an onion, here's your car.

Jeremy Clarkson

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Jeremy Clarkson
Age: 64
Born: 1960
Born: April 11
Broadcaster
Film Producer
Journalist
Television Presenter
Writer
Jeremy Charles Robert Clarkson
Car
Morning
Mean
Think
Clinically
Thinking
Onion
Onions
Insane
Wake

More quotes by Jeremy Clarkson

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Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York, and that he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
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Sometimes I stagger even myself with my genius.
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This is perfect for India because everyone who comes here gets the trots.
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Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish Delight. All we know is he’s called the Stig.
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I'm sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.
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I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said: 'Can we borrow yours?' and he said, 'Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.'
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That [Pagani] Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.
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Asking the front wheels of a car to do their normal job of steering while handling more than 170 is like asking a man to wire a plug while juggling. Penguins. While making love. To a beautiful woman while on fire, on stage. In front of the Queen. It's all going to go wrong.
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Cows eat grass and silage. This is melting the ice caps and killing us all. So they need a new foodstuff: something that is rich in iron, calcium and natural goodness. Plainly they cannot eat meat so here is an idea to chew on. Why not feed them vegetarians?
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Like every big organisation these days, the BBC is obsessed with the wellbeing of those who set foot on its premises. Studios must display warning notices if there is real glass on the set, and the other day I was presented with a booklet explaining how to use a door. I am not kidding.
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I love Alfa Romeos and that [Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio] was tremendous.
Jeremy Clarkson
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When you've finished using a car, put the f***ing seat back, so humans can use it afterwards.
Jeremy Clarkson
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The public seems to have bought into this belief that life can, and should, be run without risk, that all accidents are avoidable, and that death is something that only happens to people who eat meat and smoke.
Jeremy Clarkson
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Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.
Jeremy Clarkson
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I'd just find a story in Canada and come and do it. Combine harvester banger - actually I've done that: banger racing up in Red Deer [in Alberta, for his 1998 doc series Extreme Machines].
Jeremy Clarkson
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I dish the dirt out and I can take it. But why should my mother and children have to take it?
Jeremy Clarkson
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I wore a groove in the kitchen floor with endless trips to the fridge, hoping against hope that I had somehow missed a plateful of cold sausages on the previous 4,000 excursions. Then, for no obvious reason, I decided to buy a footstool.
Jeremy Clarkson
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Americans are good at herding Bison. The end.
Jeremy Clarkson
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We all know that small cars are good for us. But so is cod liver oil. And jogging.
Jeremy Clarkson
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You know what, I distinctly remember my boat blew up and I was killed!
Jeremy Clarkson