Quote

When I was in junior high I read a lot of Danielle Steele. So I always assumed that the day I got engaged I'd be naked, covered in rose petals, and sleeping with the brother of the man who'd kidnapped me.

Jenny Lawson

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Jenny Lawson
Age: 50
Born: 1973
Born: December 29
Author
Journalist
Jennifer Lawson
Read
Sleeping
Always
Covered
Men
Engaged
Steele
Naked
Kidnapped
Rose
Petals
Brother
Junior
Sleep
Juniors
High
Assumed

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Have you ever been homesick for someplace that doesn't actually exist anymore? Someplace that exists only in your mind?
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...and whenever I had menstral cramps, I could just pretend that Voldemort was close.
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The first thing I do when I come home is check the refrigerator for cats because I'm convinced that if one dies, my husband will hide it in there because I don't cook and so I won't see it. I do drink Cokes, though ,so technically he should hide the corpse in the oven. And now I need to start checking the oven.
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Even at age 10, I already knew that I was different from most people. My anxiety disorder was still years from being diagnosed, but it affected me quite deeply. I was too afraid to speak out in class, too nervous to make real friends.
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One of the most important things I learned is forging a rapport with someone at your insurance company. Know their names. You'll eventually get someone who will tell you, This is how you do an appeal. This is what you need to say in your letter. You can also always go to the ER to get whatever you need to tide you over for a few days.
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It’s amazing how much you’re missing in a depressive state until you start to come out on the other side. It’s like breathing again after being underwater for far too long.
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High School Is Life’s Way of Giving You a Record Low to Judge the Rest of Your Life By)
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Writing is my therapy. In addition to my real therapy. God knows where I'd be without it. I'd probably still be at my last job, working in HR at a religious organization. I was horribly miscast.
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I'm pretty sure 'ferral cats' is code for 'vampire cougars.
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I can finally see that all the terrible parts of my life, the embarrassing parts, the incidents I wanted to pretend never happened, and the things that make me weird and different, were actually the most important parts of my life. They were the parts that made me ME.
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In short? It is exhausting being me. Pretending to be normal is draining and requires amazing amounts of energy and Xanax.
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I was having problems with depression and anxiety disorder, and it felt like not blogging about it was creating a false history. When I did finally share the problems I was having, I was shocked - not only by the support that was given to me, but also by the incredible amount of people who admitted they struggled with the same thing.
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In fact almost everyone in my yearbook wrote the same thing to me: To weird girl, you're nice. I didn't think it was bad. When I showed my mother she said, Everyone is different. Being weird became my tool. I'm weird that's who I am. It was my coping badge.
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When Hailey was born my first thought was that I needed a drink and that hospitals should have bars in them.
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One ox, two oxen. One fox, two foxen.
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I am the Wizard of Oz of housewives (in that I am both Great and Terrible and because I sometimes hide behind the curtains
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Then I yelled through his door, It's an anniversary gift for you, asshole. Two whole weeks early. FIFTEEN YEARS IS BIG METAL CHICKENS.
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But really, what else are you going to talk about in line at the liquor store? Childhood trauma seems like the natural choice, since it’s the reason why most of us are in line there to begin with.
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A friend is someone who knows where all your bodies are buried. Because they're the ones who helped you put them there. And sometimes, if you're really lucky, they help you dig them back up.
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When you're really crazy you don't question it. Being aware of my behaviors stops them. Sure, a lot of people pick their cuticles, but how many people cut big parts of their skin off? It's unfair because I have been judged.
Jenny Lawson