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...and whenever I had menstral cramps, I could just pretend that Voldemort was close.

Jenny Lawson

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Jenny Lawson
Age: 50
Born: 1973
Born: December 29
Author
Journalist
Jennifer Lawson
Cramps
Pretend
Whenever
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More quotes by Jenny Lawson

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A hug is like a strangle you haven't finished yet.
Jenny Lawson
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In fact almost everyone in my yearbook wrote the same thing to me: To weird girl, you're nice. I didn't think it was bad. When I showed my mother she said, Everyone is different. Being weird became my tool. I'm weird that's who I am. It was my coping badge.
Jenny Lawson
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A friend is someone who knows where all your bodies are buried. Because they're the ones who helped you put them there. And sometimes, if you're really lucky, they help you dig them back up.
Jenny Lawson
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Then I yelled through his door, It's an anniversary gift for you, asshole. Two whole weeks early. FIFTEEN YEARS IS BIG METAL CHICKENS.
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In short? It is exhausting being me. Pretending to be normal is draining and requires amazing amounts of energy and Xanax.
Jenny Lawson
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When I was little, my father used to sell guns and ammo at a sporting goods store, but I always told everyone he was an arms dealer, because it sounded more exciting.
Jenny Lawson
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I was having problems with depression and anxiety disorder, and it felt like not blogging about it was creating a false history. When I did finally share the problems I was having, I was shocked - not only by the support that was given to me, but also by the incredible amount of people who admitted they struggled with the same thing.
Jenny Lawson
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Every time I get scared or feel like I'm not going to be good enough at something, I say that mantra to myself. Pretend you're good at it.
Jenny Lawson
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A house should look lived in, and I consider it clean as long as I don't stick to it and it doesn't give me cholera.
Jenny Lawson
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But really, what else are you going to talk about in line at the liquor store? Childhood trauma seems like the natural choice, since it’s the reason why most of us are in line there to begin with.
Jenny Lawson
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When Hailey was born my first thought was that I needed a drink and that hospitals should have bars in them.
Jenny Lawson
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Have you ever been homesick for someplace that doesn't actually exist anymore? Someplace that exists only in your mind?
Jenny Lawson
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I'm pretty sure 'ferral cats' is code for 'vampire cougars.
Jenny Lawson
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Because you are defined not by life's imperfect moments, but by your reaction to them. And because there is joy in embracing - rather than running from - the utter absurdity of life.
Jenny Lawson
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One ox, two oxen. One fox, two foxen.
Jenny Lawson
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I very much own the fact that I'm a misfit. The Internet makes everyone realize they're screwed up.
Jenny Lawson
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When you're really crazy you don't question it. Being aware of my behaviors stops them. Sure, a lot of people pick their cuticles, but how many people cut big parts of their skin off? It's unfair because I have been judged.
Jenny Lawson
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One moment I'm perfectly fine and the next I feel a wave of nausea, then panic. Then I can't catch my breath and I know I'm about to lose control and all I want to do is escape. Except that the one thing I can't escape from is the very thing I want to run away from... me.
Jenny Lawson
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It’s amazing how much you’re missing in a depressive state until you start to come out on the other side. It’s like breathing again after being underwater for far too long.
Jenny Lawson
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One of the most important things I learned is forging a rapport with someone at your insurance company. Know their names. You'll eventually get someone who will tell you, This is how you do an appeal. This is what you need to say in your letter. You can also always go to the ER to get whatever you need to tide you over for a few days.
Jenny Lawson