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Because you are defined not by life's imperfect moments, but by your reaction to them. And because there is joy in embracing - rather than running from - the utter absurdity of life.

Jenny Lawson

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Jenny Lawson
Age: 50
Born: 1973
Born: December 29
Author
Journalist
Jennifer Lawson
Imperfect
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Defined
Joy
Rather
Embracing
Running
Utter
Moments
Absurdity
Life
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More quotes by Jenny Lawson

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In short? It is exhausting being me. Pretending to be normal is draining and requires amazing amounts of energy and Xanax.
Jenny Lawson
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Have you ever been homesick for someplace that doesn't actually exist anymore? Someplace that exists only in your mind?
Jenny Lawson
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One moment I'm perfectly fine and the next I feel a wave of nausea, then panic. Then I can't catch my breath and I know I'm about to lose control and all I want to do is escape. Except that the one thing I can't escape from is the very thing I want to run away from... me.
Jenny Lawson
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A house should look lived in, and I consider it clean as long as I don't stick to it and it doesn't give me cholera.
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One of the most important things I learned is forging a rapport with someone at your insurance company. Know their names. You'll eventually get someone who will tell you, This is how you do an appeal. This is what you need to say in your letter. You can also always go to the ER to get whatever you need to tide you over for a few days.
Jenny Lawson
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...and whenever I had menstral cramps, I could just pretend that Voldemort was close.
Jenny Lawson
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The first thing I do when I come home is check the refrigerator for cats because I'm convinced that if one dies, my husband will hide it in there because I don't cook and so I won't see it. I do drink Cokes, though ,so technically he should hide the corpse in the oven. And now I need to start checking the oven.
Jenny Lawson
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Grandpa did everything at his own pace, a speed that my sister and I referred to as 'when snails attack.' ... My grandparents' house was only about ten miles from ours, but the ride there would necessitate sandwiches packed for the trip, and several books to keep us occupied.
Jenny Lawson
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Then I yelled through his door, It's an anniversary gift for you, asshole. Two whole weeks early. FIFTEEN YEARS IS BIG METAL CHICKENS.
Jenny Lawson
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A friend is someone who knows where all your bodies are buried. Because they're the ones who helped you put them there. And sometimes, if you're really lucky, they help you dig them back up.
Jenny Lawson
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I am the Wizard of Oz of housewives (in that I am both Great and Terrible and because I sometimes hide behind the curtains
Jenny Lawson
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I can finally see that all the terrible parts of my life, the embarrassing parts, the incidents I wanted to pretend never happened, and the things that make me weird and different, were actually the most important parts of my life. They were the parts that made me ME.
Jenny Lawson
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When you're really crazy you don't question it. Being aware of my behaviors stops them. Sure, a lot of people pick their cuticles, but how many people cut big parts of their skin off? It's unfair because I have been judged.
Jenny Lawson
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But really, what else are you going to talk about in line at the liquor store? Childhood trauma seems like the natural choice, since it’s the reason why most of us are in line there to begin with.
Jenny Lawson
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One ox, two oxen. One fox, two foxen.
Jenny Lawson
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A hug is like a strangle you haven't finished yet.
Jenny Lawson
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Every time I get scared or feel like I'm not going to be good enough at something, I say that mantra to myself. Pretend you're good at it.
Jenny Lawson
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High School Is Life’s Way of Giving You a Record Low to Judge the Rest of Your Life By)
Jenny Lawson
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When Hailey was born my first thought was that I needed a drink and that hospitals should have bars in them.
Jenny Lawson
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When I was in junior high I read a lot of Danielle Steele. So I always assumed that the day I got engaged I'd be naked, covered in rose petals, and sleeping with the brother of the man who'd kidnapped me.
Jenny Lawson