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How was I supposed to know what's real and what's not? It feels like I'm the only one who doesn't know the difference.

Jenny Han

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Jenny Han
Age: 44
Born: 1980
Born: September 3
Novelist
Writer
Richmond
Virginia
Real
Like
Supposed
Difference
Differences
Doesn
Feels

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Aching familiar in a way that made me wish I was still eight. Eight was before death or divorce or heartbreak. Eight was just eight. Hot dogs and peanut butter, mosquito bites and splinters, bikes and boogie boards. Tangled hair, sunburned shoulders, Judy Blume, in bed by nine thirty.
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I knew it in my bones. That this time was it. I had finally made my choice, and so had he. He let me go. I was relieved, which I expected. What I didn't expect was to feel so much grief.
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If love is like a possession, maybe my letters are like my exorcisms.
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He didn't give me flowers or candy. He gave me the moon and the stars. Infinity.
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In the dark you can feel really close to a person. You can say whatever you want.
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I release you. I evict you from my heart. Because if I don't do it now, I never will.
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There's no use in asking what if. No one could ever give you the answers.
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It's scary how easy promises were broken.
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I wonder what it's like to have that much power over a boy. I don't think I'd want it - it's a lot of responsibility to hold a person's heart in your hands.
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When a person you love dies, it doesn’t feel real. It’s like it’s happening to someone else. It’s someone else’s life. I’ve never been good with the abstract. What does it mean when someone is really truly gone?
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You can't put being in love on a scale. Either you are or you aren't.
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I loved him in a way that you can really only do the first time around. It's the kind of love that doesn't know better and doesn't want to-it's dizzy and foolish and fierce. That kind of love is really a one-time-only thing.
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But just because you bury something, that doesn't mean it stops existing. Those feelings, they'd been there all along. All that time. I had to face it.
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Best friends are important. They're the closest thing to a sister you'll ever have.
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Do you think there's a difference? Between belonging with and belonging to?
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When boy likes you, you say no thank you. You don't kick him on the ground.
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And no matter what you do or how hard you try, you can’t stop yourself from dreaming.
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There hadn’t been one specific moment. It was like gradualy waking up. You go from being asleep to the space between dreaming and awake and then into consciousness. It’s a slow process, but when you’re awake, there’s no mistaking it. There was no mistaking that it had been love.
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For me there was-is-nothing better than walking on the beach late at night. It feels like you could walk forever, like the whole night is yours and so is the ocean. When you walk on the beach at night, you can say things you can't say in real life. In the dark you can feel really close to a person. You can say whatever you want.
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Sometimes questions can be more cruel than insults.
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