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But just because you bury something, that doesn't mean it stops existing. Those feelings, they'd been there all along. All that time. I had to face it.
Jenny Han
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Jenny Han
Age: 44
Born: 1980
Born: September 3
Novelist
Writer
Richmond
Virginia
Mean
Stops
Something
Existing
Time
Regret
Love
Along
Life
Face
Faces
Feelings
Doesn
Bury
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When a person you love dies, it doesn’t feel real. It’s like it’s happening to someone else. It’s someone else’s life. I’ve never been good with the abstract. What does it mean when someone is really truly gone?
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Aching familiar in a way that made me wish I was still eight. Eight was before death or divorce or heartbreak. Eight was just eight. Hot dogs and peanut butter, mosquito bites and splinters, bikes and boogie boards. Tangled hair, sunburned shoulders, Judy Blume, in bed by nine thirty.
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In the dark you can feel really close to a person. You can say whatever you want.
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When you walk on the beach at night, you can say things you can't say in real life.
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There hadn’t been one specific moment. It was like gradualy waking up. You go from being asleep to the space between dreaming and awake and then into consciousness. It’s a slow process, but when you’re awake, there’s no mistaking it. There was no mistaking that it had been love.
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For me there was-is-nothing better than walking on the beach late at night. It feels like you could walk forever, like the whole night is yours and so is the ocean. When you walk on the beach at night, you can say things you can't say in real life. In the dark you can feel really close to a person. You can say whatever you want.
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You never know the last time you’ll see a place. A person.
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Sometimes questions can be more cruel than insults.
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How was I supposed to know what's real and what's not? It feels like I'm the only one who doesn't know the difference.
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And no matter what you do or how hard you try, you can’t stop yourself from dreaming.
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When boy likes you, you say no thank you. You don't kick him on the ground.
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I release you. I evict you from my heart. Because if I don't do it now, I never will.
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Here's something else, something important: Love is not transactional. It is not a bank account, you don't always get what you put in. Sometimes you put in so much and get very little return on your investment, at least that you can see right away.
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I knew it in my bones. That this time was it. I had finally made my choice, and so had he. He let me go. I was relieved, which I expected. What I didn't expect was to feel so much grief.
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Love is scary: it changes it can go away. That's the part of the risk. I don't want to be scared anymore.
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