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That slow smile again. I love that smile! DId I think he was ugly just now? No, his face is transformed.

Jenny Downham

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Jenny Downham
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: January 1
Actor
Author
Film Actor
Novelist
Writer
Inner and Outer London
Slow
Ugly
Smile
Face
Faces
Love
Think
Thinking
Transformed

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I made a fatal error thinking he could save me.
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I can see inside planes!' he yells. 'Come and look!' It's difficult climbing in a mini dress...I haul myself up even though my arms ache. I want to see inside planes too. I want to watch the wind and catch birds in my fist.
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I want to die in my own way. It's my illness, my death, my choice. This is what saying yes means.
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Statement: A girl and a boy jump into a river. The boy swims over to the girl and says, God, it's cold. Question: What's the probability they will kiss?
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Adam strokes my head, my face, he kisses my tears. We are blessed. Let them all go. The sound of a bird flying low across the garden. Then nothing. Nothing. A cloud passes. Nothing again. Light falls through the window, falls onto me, into me. Moments. All gathering towards this one.
Jenny Downham
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And now he's down this for me. He's made me famous. He's put my name on the world.
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I'm me and you're you, and all of them out there are them. And we're all so different and equally unimportant.
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It's as if a child with a brush and too much enthusiasm has been set free with a tin of black paint inside me.
Jenny Downham
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Instructions for Adam Look after no one except yourself. Go to university and make lots of friends and get drunk. Forget your door keyes. Laugh. Eat pot-noodles for breakfast. Miss lectures. Be irresponsible.
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I love you. I love you. I send this message through my fingers and into his, up his arm and into his heart. Hear me. I love you. And I'm sorry to leave you.
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She needed food. Diets didn't count in a crisis.
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I'm here. Soon I won't be. Zoey's baby is here. Its pulse tick-ticking. Soon it won't be. And when Zoey comes out of that room, having signed on the dotted line, she'll be different. She'll understand what I already know- that death surrounds us all. And it tastes like metal between you teeth.
Jenny Downham
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Perhaps I'm dead. Perhaps this is all it will be. The living will carry on in their world – touching, walking. And I'll continue in this empty world, tapping soundlessly on the glass between us.
Jenny Downham
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Keep breathing. Just keep doing it. It's easy. In and out.
Jenny Downham
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Life is made up of a series of moments, each one a journey to the end.
Jenny Downham
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No, really. I free you.' I don't want to be free.
Jenny Downham
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I shrug him off. 'Can't you just go away? There's a moment. It has a sound in it, as if something very small got broken.
Jenny Downham
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Every breath, every heartbeat, was one less until maybe things stopped hurting this much.
Jenny Downham
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Are you afraid, Tessa?
Jenny Downham
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I said I wouldn't leave her.
Jenny Downham