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Are you afraid, Tessa?
Jenny Downham
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Jenny Downham
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: January 1
Actor
Author
Film Actor
Novelist
Writer
Inner and Outer London
Tessa
Afraid
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We make patterns, we share moments.
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Was this love? Because it hurt. It was like a bit of glass stuck somewhere important--his heart or his head, and it was throbbing.
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It's as if a child with a brush and too much enthusiasm has been set free with a tin of black paint inside me.
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I said I wouldn't leave her.
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The inside of the door is glossy white. A total re-paint. I touch it with my fingers, but it stays the same. It's so bright it makes the room waver at the edges. Every few years we disappear.
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I miss him as soon as he goes. When he isn't with me, I think I made him up.
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I want to die in my own way. It's my illness, my death, my choice. This is what saying yes means.
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Don't pretend to care. I don't need you as an anesthetic.
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Parents don't know their children at all. No one knows anyone, in fact.
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That slow smile again. I love that smile! DId I think he was ugly just now? No, his face is transformed.
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Every seven years our bodies change, every cell. Every seven years, we disappear.
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a little bird moves a mountain of sand one grain at a time it picks up one grain every million years and when the mountain has been moved the bird puts it all back again and that's how long eternity is and that's a very long time to be dead
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She needed food. Diets didn't count in a crisis.
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Death straps me to the hospital bed, claws its way onto my chest and sits there.I didn't know it would hurt this much. I didn't know that everything good that's ever happened in my life would be emptied out by it.
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Her skin tasted expensive.
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It hurts and hurts to have him this close. I feel sick with it.
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Every breath, every heartbeat, was one less until maybe things stopped hurting this much.
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I want you to be with me in the dark. To hold me. To keep loving me. To help me when I get scared. To come right to the edge and see what's there.
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I'm me and you're you, and all of them out there are them. And we're all so different and equally unimportant.
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I'm here. Soon I won't be. Zoey's baby is here. Its pulse tick-ticking. Soon it won't be. And when Zoey comes out of that room, having signed on the dotted line, she'll be different. She'll understand what I already know- that death surrounds us all. And it tastes like metal between you teeth.
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