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Ambien might have mentally just tossed my salad. WITH CROUTONS.
Jen Lancaster
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Jen Lancaster
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: November 5
Author
Writer
Tossed
Salad
Mentally
Might
More quotes by Jen Lancaster
I've determined the ideal job for me is one where I can write clever essays about my life and my employer will give me enough money not only to live a comfortable existence, but also to buy many, many new pairs of shoes.
Jen Lancaster
No, it's not a 'corpse thing.' I feel I lack the emotional capacity to deal with those in mourning.
Jen Lancaster
I would rather receive a Pap smear from Captain Hook than venture out on New Year's Eve.
Jen Lancaster
Amen,' I exclaim, accidentally spitting out a Raisinet. I pick up the chocolate with a Kleenex and stuff it in my purse. Ten bucks says a month from now I'll have forgotten about it and will finally have said heart attack when I assume a rat shat in there.
Jen Lancaster
I'm a humor writer, so I don't always present myself in the best light.
Jen Lancaster
I'm such a fangirl when it comes to other writers. I read 250 books a year, and I'm always talking up books by other authors.
Jen Lancaster
Quinn Cummings is a master story-teller and her book is nothing short of delightful. Her insights into topics like celebrity, parenting, and cats with a taste for homicide are pithy and uproarious and not to be missed. Notes from the Underwire is charming, hilarious, and just snarky enough to be ultimately satisfying.
Jen Lancaster
I believe that I have such a vanilla life.
Jen Lancaster
Owning a dog is slightly less expensive than being addicted to crack.
Jen Lancaster
Maybe I've moved to the dark side, but it's clean and nice and we never run out of toilet paper.
Jen Lancaster
I'm not lazy. I'm simply judicious about excess movement.
Jen Lancaster
I think people tend to be very myopic and they dont understand how their actions impact others.
Jen Lancaster
I'm very detail oriented. I think that's why people enjoy my memoirs - because I tend to remember everything.
Jen Lancaster
I don't care how happily married you are or how deeply enmeshed you are with your children and family and career -- every woman needs a couple of chicks who'll break out the sangria just because you need to vent.
Jen Lancaster
Were I forced to describe this woman in one word, that word would be...herpes.
Jen Lancaster
I yearn to be a woman of more depth, but I'm not so fond of the path I'd need to follow to get there.
Jen Lancaster
Despite my best efforts, I'm not quite perfect. Let's just say I'm like one of those Hopi blankets where they leave a tiny flaw so as to not affront the Lord.
Jen Lancaster
Everyone who reads me is someone I'd like to hang out with.
Jen Lancaster
Some people are destined to be deep thinkers. I am not one of those people.
Jen Lancaster
No matter how happy anyone is with their choices, I believe it's human nature to wonder about the path not taken.
Jen Lancaster