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You think you're so cool just because you can walk!
Jen Lancaster
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Jen Lancaster
Age: 57
Born: 1967
Born: November 5
Author
Writer
Cool
Walk
Walks
Think
Thinking
More quotes by Jen Lancaster
I yearn to be a woman of more depth, but I'm not so fond of the path I'd need to follow to get there.
Jen Lancaster
Some people are destined to be deep thinkers. I am not one of those people.
Jen Lancaster
You can't all of a sudden go to sleep one night and wake up Martha Stewart. It's bit by bit by bit.
Jen Lancaster
Were I forced to describe this woman in one word, that word would be...herpes.
Jen Lancaster
No, it's not a 'corpse thing.' I feel I lack the emotional capacity to deal with those in mourning.
Jen Lancaster
I'm very detail oriented. I think that's why people enjoy my memoirs - because I tend to remember everything.
Jen Lancaster
I'm a humor writer, so I don't always present myself in the best light.
Jen Lancaster
I've determined the ideal job for me is one where I can write clever essays about my life and my employer will give me enough money not only to live a comfortable existence, but also to buy many, many new pairs of shoes.
Jen Lancaster
Everyone who reads me is someone I'd like to hang out with.
Jen Lancaster
I’m instantly mortified by my fat, uncontrollable mouth, but that’s when it occurs to me that my humor is a self-defense mechanism. Even though I may come off like a stark raving asshat, being funny is the most important tool I have to stay sane. The ability to say what I think is the key to allowing me to feel in control.
Jen Lancaster
I'm such a fangirl when it comes to other writers. I read 250 books a year, and I'm always talking up books by other authors.
Jen Lancaster
When did the cell phone become a license to be rude? And why must I be subjected to your personal conversations?
Jen Lancaster
I think people tend to be very myopic and they dont understand how their actions impact others.
Jen Lancaster
Despite my best efforts, I'm not quite perfect. Let's just say I'm like one of those Hopi blankets where they leave a tiny flaw so as to not affront the Lord.
Jen Lancaster
I can't believe anyone would voluntarily run 26 miles. Sometimes I sit on the couch cross-legged because I don't feel like walking to the bathroom.
Jen Lancaster
When I hug her, I notice she's still wearing yesterday's false eyelashes. Mom? You know those come off with a little makeup remover and a cotton pad? I'm not taking them off. Why not? I spent $180 on that makeup job and I refuse to wash my face until I get my money's worth.
Jen Lancaster
I believe that I have such a vanilla life.
Jen Lancaster
Ambien might have mentally just tossed my salad. WITH CROUTONS.
Jen Lancaster
Maybe I've moved to the dark side, but it's clean and nice and we never run out of toilet paper.
Jen Lancaster
Owning a dog is slightly less expensive than being addicted to crack.
Jen Lancaster