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I don't understand why every single person in Congress isn't standing up and going, He [Donald Trump] is in bed with Russia. And then they could just lock their arms and not let him in.

Jen Kirkman

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Jen Kirkman
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: August 28
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Bay State
Arms
Single
Lock
Trump
Locks
Understand
Russia
Persons
Bed
Person
Donald
Going
Congress
Every
Standing

More quotes by Jen Kirkman

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Sometimes I look [ on trolls on Twitter], but even one ignorant comment can make me go, Oh god.
Jen Kirkman
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There have been many times in my life where I got opportunities that I never thought would be the things that I needed, so I'm always saying, I want to do this but whatever the universe thinks is right, I'm open. Because otherwise it causes me so much pain if I don't get what I want. It's my least favorite thing.
Jen Kirkman
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We've seen a kind of Donald Trump supporter on steroids, like the hate-crime people. Those people, I don't want to see, like anyone violent or carrying a gun or anything like that. But I won't know if they disagree with me unless they decide to heckle.
Jen Kirkman
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I have no choice sometimes, but there's something about being alone. When I'm alone I might not speak for 24 hours, but you're totally seeing things. It's a pretty cool experience.
Jen Kirkman
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It's much easier to make jokes about not having kids.
Jen Kirkman
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I don't know. Maybe [sex-ed] is my new calling?
Jen Kirkman
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My birthday is in August - right before September, so I have that back to school feeling ingrained in me so that time of year is when I usually do personal goals or resolutions.
Jen Kirkman
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I'll take anyone I can get that will pay money to see me. And if there's more of me in the world, people who think they're good people and comedians who have a good message or whatever, then that's great. If there's some kind of balance there that's good.
Jen Kirkman
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Admittedly, the masturbation story is just a Hey, this is one of my best-of's, I'll throw it in the special. But the grandmother stuff, really, I feel like is part of the theme and part of the best way to end the story that I'm telling with the special.
Jen Kirkman
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I just try to live a moderate life of always checking and trying to be the best person I can be and I'm in therapy and am always working on something.
Jen Kirkman
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My brain does like the idea of hosting a late-night show. My brain does like the idea of maybe having a show about me. So, I often pitch ideas and work on scripts and do that just because I may not be right about how I feel, so why not just do this, and if it happens and I got my own show, well maybe I would really end up falling in love with it.
Jen Kirkman
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I'm the queen of outside speakers.
Jen Kirkman
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Testosterone makes you completely out of control, but that's okay.
Jen Kirkman
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I finally understand that it’s okay to be a little afraid of things but that obsessing over them does not mean you have any more control over what you fear.
Jen Kirkman
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When you travel, people might not have the same ideas about what is interesting. I'm not really good at compromising when I travel.
Jen Kirkman
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My curriculum would be the whole year. It would be really slow and it would be about human anatomy. I would teach people about women's bodies so they understand what Planned Parenthood is for.
Jen Kirkman
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I stay on [Twitter] because I deserve to.
Jen Kirkman
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Whatever my life looks like, I want it to be real and big and full. I want when, if I get hit by a car, I want to know that I have deep and real friendships, people to visit me in the hospital.
Jen Kirkman
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I just remember a creepy sex-ed teacher putting a banana on a condom and then saying, It goes in the girl if she gets all juicy. We didn't even believe it. We were like, Well, that's weird.
Jen Kirkman
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Instead of saving for someone else's college education, I'm currently saving for a luxury retirement community replete with golf carts and handsome young male nurses who love butterscotch.
Jen Kirkman