Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Instead of saving for someone else's college education, I'm currently saving for a luxury retirement community replete with golf carts and handsome young male nurses who love butterscotch.
Jen Kirkman
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Jen Kirkman
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: August 28
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Bay State
Instead
Retiring
College
Nurse
Butterscotch
Education
Retirement
Replete
Community
Male
Nurses
Else
Males
Carts
Someone
Saving
Currently
Young
Luxury
Retired
Love
Golf
Handsome
More quotes by Jen Kirkman
I don't understand why every single person in Congress isn't standing up and going, He [Donald Trump] is in bed with Russia. And then they could just lock their arms and not let him in.
Jen Kirkman
When you travel, people might not have the same ideas about what is interesting. I'm not really good at compromising when I travel.
Jen Kirkman
I realized I need a certain kind of chemistry and a certain kind of look to be into someone, and like 1 percent of the population has it.
Jen Kirkman
I just remember a creepy sex-ed teacher putting a banana on a condom and then saying, It goes in the girl if she gets all juicy. We didn't even believe it. We were like, Well, that's weird.
Jen Kirkman
I'm wired to be neurotic and loud and high-strung.
Jen Kirkman
My birthday is in August - right before September, so I have that back to school feeling ingrained in me so that time of year is when I usually do personal goals or resolutions.
Jen Kirkman
I'm tired of explaining to Hollywood that people would laugh at me, because I go around America making them laugh every week. Nobody would be offended, nobody would think my leather pants are too controversial.
Jen Kirkman
I think that, for me, my favorite thing to do is perform standup onstage. Everything else I do is for the exposure to do more stand-up onstage, and for the money, and for the health insurance.
Jen Kirkman
I'm the queen of outside speakers.
Jen Kirkman
I actually really do meditation and then I spend my morning reading.
Jen Kirkman
God, there's teaching biology and teaching sexuality, and it's two separate things. They mix it and make it more of a morality thing where it's like, A man and woman have a baby.
Jen Kirkman
I just try to live a moderate life of always checking and trying to be the best person I can be and I'm in therapy and am always working on something.
Jen Kirkman
It's much easier to make jokes about not having kids.
Jen Kirkman
A lot of times that I'm single is not for a lack of anyone being interested it's me.
Jen Kirkman
My mother was like, What did they teach you?, and I had never talked about that [sex-ed] so I freaked out.
Jen Kirkman
Its almost Thanksgiving! A day when you get to hear your extended family use racial slurs for groups are not taking away their jobs.
Jen Kirkman
I don't like news channels so I have six websites that I check and I get the daily update.
Jen Kirkman
I'll take anyone I can get that will pay money to see me. And if there's more of me in the world, people who think they're good people and comedians who have a good message or whatever, then that's great. If there's some kind of balance there that's good.
Jen Kirkman
My rule is if one person says it, a thousand people want to say it. That goes for compliments too. I try to balance it out in my head.
Jen Kirkman
I mean, I can't say that I've had many deep thoughts because I traveled alone, but it's good to be with myself in the quiet.
Jen Kirkman