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Instead of saving for someone else's college education, I'm currently saving for a luxury retirement community replete with golf carts and handsome young male nurses who love butterscotch.

Jen Kirkman

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Jen Kirkman
Age: 50
Born: 1974
Born: August 28
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Bay State
Else
Males
Carts
Someone
Saving
Currently
Young
Luxury
Retired
Love
Golf
Handsome
Instead
Retiring
College
Nurse
Butterscotch
Education
Retirement
Replete
Community
Male
Nurses

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I don't know. Maybe [sex-ed] is my new calling?
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I have no choice sometimes, but there's something about being alone. When I'm alone I might not speak for 24 hours, but you're totally seeing things. It's a pretty cool experience.
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I don't have anything to do all year. I'm not on tour until September.
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My mother was like, What did they teach you?, and I had never talked about that [sex-ed] so I freaked out.
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I don't run around feeling infused with positivity, but I'll have to be taking my last breath before I'll admit I'm dying. So I'm either optimistic or in denial.
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It [sex-ed] was such a slow rollout for me. I just didn't know what the hell was happening.
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I wonder if that's the difference between fathers and mothers. I'm friends with people who have kids that are like 5 and under, and they're still in that intense mother-bonding phase. It might just be that. Because the dads haven't changed.
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I realized I need a certain kind of chemistry and a certain kind of look to be into someone, and like 1 percent of the population has it.
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I'm not like Woody Allen like, Oh my god what's going to happen? Ooh Ooh Oohhh. I'm just high-strung. So I do need to do a lot of stuff.
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My rule is if one person says it, a thousand people want to say it. That goes for compliments too. I try to balance it out in my head.
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My curriculum would be the whole year. It would be really slow and it would be about human anatomy. I would teach people about women's bodies so they understand what Planned Parenthood is for.
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I just try to live a moderate life of always checking and trying to be the best person I can be and I'm in therapy and am always working on something.
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Sometimes I look [ on trolls on Twitter], but even one ignorant comment can make me go, Oh god.
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My birthday is in August - right before September, so I have that back to school feeling ingrained in me so that time of year is when I usually do personal goals or resolutions.
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I stay on [Twitter] because I deserve to.
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They asked us to draw pictures of what we thought men and women look like naked and so I was like, Get away, I'm doing my weird homework, drawing a naked man and woman. And I can't even draw. That's all I remember. I have no memory.
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What I found out about myself was I am not someone who doesn't believe in marriage.
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We've seen a kind of Donald Trump supporter on steroids, like the hate-crime people. Those people, I don't want to see, like anyone violent or carrying a gun or anything like that. But I won't know if they disagree with me unless they decide to heckle.
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I actually really do meditation and then I spend my morning reading.
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