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What a terrible thing life can be.

Jeff Lindsay

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Jeff Lindsay
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: July 14
Novelist
Playwright
Writer
Miami
Florida
Jeffry P. Freundlich
Jeffry P. Lindsay
Terrible
Thing
Life

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A man can take only so much. Even a phony man like me.
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And once again I found myself wondering, as I drifted off to stunned and unbelieving sleep:How do these terrible things always happen to me?
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Really now: If you can't get me my newspaper on time, how can you expect me to refrain from killing people?
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Killing makes me feel good.
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Or was he saying, Hi! Wanna play? And I did. Of course I did.
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I thought about the nice clothes that I always wore. Well of course I did. I took pride in being the best dressed monster in Dade County.
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Anybody can be charming if they don't mind faking it, saying all the stupid, obvious, nauseating things that a conscience keeps most people from saying. Happily, I don't have a conscience. I say them.
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They like to tell us that it is important to speak the truth, but it has been my experience that real happiness lies in having people tell you what you want to believe, usually not the same thing at all, and if you have to stub your toe on the truth later, so be it.
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I know family comes first, but shouldn't that mean after breakfast?
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Life teaches us that human thought almost never walks hand in hand with logic, and it is usually counterproductive to raise the point.
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I don't know if you have noticed this, but it is quite possible for two human beings to have a conversation in which one or both parties involved has absolutely no idea what they're talking about.
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And so as much as I can, I care about her, dear Deborah. It's probably not love, but I would rather she were happy.
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Was insanity really easier to accept than unconsciousness?
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I waved to everybody. Some of them even waved back. They knew me, had seen me go by before, always cheerful, a big hello for everybody. He was such a nice man. Very friendly. I can’t believe he did those horrible things . . .
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I looked around the store and what I saw was not very encouraging. There were rows and rows of violent toys...aisle after aisle of training devices for recreational slaughter. No wonder our world was such a mean and violent place...if we teach children that killing is fun, can we really be surprised if now and then someone is smart enough to learn?
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But what could I do? Be stupid for a while? I wasn't sure I knew how, even after so many years of careful observation.
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I am unlovable...I have tried to involve myself in other people, in relationships, and even - in my sillier moments - in love. But it doesn't work. Something in me is broken or missing and sooner or later the other person catches me Acting or one of Those Nights comes along.
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I nodded with genuine synthetic sympathy.
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...my conscience has the same hard reality as a unicorn.
Jeff Lindsay
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It's terrible to have to depend on someone else.
Jeff Lindsay