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I often find myself in situations where it seems to me like everyone else has read the instruction book

Jeff Lindsay

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Jeff Lindsay
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: July 14
Novelist
Playwright
Writer
Miami
Florida
Jeffry P. Freundlich
Jeffry P. Lindsay
Everyone
Often
Else
Seems
Find
Instruction
Book
Situations
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Situation
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More quotes by Jeff Lindsay

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I'm a very neat monster.
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But what could I do? Be stupid for a while? I wasn't sure I knew how, even after so many years of careful observation.
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Now I know what it is like to feel like a total idiot.
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What to wear? I could think of no guidelines on what we were wearing this season to a party forced on you to celebrate an unwanted engagement that might turn into a violent confrontation with a vengeful maniac. Clearly brown shoes were out, but beyond that nothing really seemed de rigueur.
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Or was he saying, Hi! Wanna play? And I did. Of course I did.
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Could this be the Apocalypse ?
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I don't know if you have noticed this, but it is quite possible for two human beings to have a conversation in which one or both parties involved has absolutely no idea what they're talking about.
Jeff Lindsay
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This was just no fun. I wanted my brain back.
Jeff Lindsay
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She really did like me, the idiot.
Jeff Lindsay
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And as we should all know by now, anytime you predict failure you have an excellent chance of being right.
Jeff Lindsay
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Anybody can be charming if they don't mind faking it, saying all the stupid, obvious, nauseating things that a conscience keeps most people from saying. Happily, I don't have a conscience. I say them.
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In its own way the kiss had been an act of murder.
Jeff Lindsay
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For my part, my interest in Paris had faded away completely long ago when I learned that it was in France.
Jeff Lindsay
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been there done that, bought the t-shirt Chapter 2
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Really now: If you can't get me my newspaper on time, how can you expect me to refrain from killing people?
Jeff Lindsay
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I looked around the store and what I saw was not very encouraging. There were rows and rows of violent toys...aisle after aisle of training devices for recreational slaughter. No wonder our world was such a mean and violent place...if we teach children that killing is fun, can we really be surprised if now and then someone is smart enough to learn?
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But of course, there's no rest for the wicked, which I certainly am as I said, no rest for the wicked.
Jeff Lindsay
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...my conscience has the same hard reality as a unicorn.
Jeff Lindsay
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I am unlovable...I have tried to involve myself in other people, in relationships, and even - in my sillier moments - in love. But it doesn't work. Something in me is broken or missing and sooner or later the other person catches me Acting or one of Those Nights comes along.
Jeff Lindsay
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No big deal. We all have blood in us, the trick is keeping it inside.
Jeff Lindsay