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I often find myself in situations where it seems to me like everyone else has read the instruction book

Jeff Lindsay

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Jeff Lindsay
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: July 14
Novelist
Playwright
Writer
Miami
Florida
Jeffry P. Freundlich
Jeffry P. Lindsay
Else
Seems
Find
Instruction
Book
Situations
Like
Situation
Read
Everyone
Often

More quotes by Jeff Lindsay

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Anybody can be charming if they don't mind faking it, saying all the stupid, obvious, nauseating things that a conscience keeps most people from saying. Happily, I don't have a conscience. I say them.
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Could this be the Apocalypse ?
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But as I have noticed on more than one occaision, life itself is unfair, and there is no complaint department, so we might as well accept things the way they happen, clean up the mess, and move on.
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I think people understand things different when they get older. It’s not a question of getting soft, or seeing things in the gray areas instead of black and white. I really believe I’m just understanding things different. Better.
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I had killed our careful relationship by driving my tongue through its heart and pushing it off a cliff.
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For my part, my interest in Paris had faded away completely long ago when I learned that it was in France.
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A man can take only so much. Even a phony man like me.
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First things first has always been my motto, mostly because it makes absolutely no sense - after all, if first things were second or third, they wouldn't be first things, would they? Still, cliches exist to comfort the feeble minded, not to provide any actual meaning.
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It happens incompetence is rewarded more often than not.
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I know family comes first, but shouldn't that mean after breakfast?
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But what could I do? Be stupid for a while? I wasn't sure I knew how, even after so many years of careful observation.
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I sighed as comforting as it may be to some of us, sarcasm, like youth, is wasted on the young.
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Me, feeling. What a concept.
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And here I always thought morality was useless.
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I looked around the store and what I saw was not very encouraging. There were rows and rows of violent toys...aisle after aisle of training devices for recreational slaughter. No wonder our world was such a mean and violent place...if we teach children that killing is fun, can we really be surprised if now and then someone is smart enough to learn?
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Really now: If you can't get me my newspaper on time, how can you expect me to refrain from killing people?
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Of course it was a terrible thing, and the world would be a much better place without someone in it who could do that, but did that mean we had to miss lunch?
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...my conscience has the same hard reality as a unicorn.
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And once again I found myself wondering, as I drifted off to stunned and unbelieving sleep:How do these terrible things always happen to me?
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I don't know if you have noticed this, but it is quite possible for two human beings to have a conversation in which one or both parties involved has absolutely no idea what they're talking about.
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