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Back in those days it was just me swimming around in the dark, doing back flips and taking naps whenever I want.

Jeff Kinney

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Jeff Kinney
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: February 19
Author
Caricaturist
Game Designer
Fort Washington
Maryland
Jeffrey Patrick Kinney
Taking
Days
Dark
Around
Flips
Back
Naps
Flip
Swimming
Whenever

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He got the crib, so for the first few months of my life I had to sleep in the top dresser drawer, which I'm pretty sure isn't even legal.
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I don't know what a guy needs to do to impress a girl these days.
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Youre gonna grow up and marry some ice cream! Haha!
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So I've started wearing sweatpants to bed because I really don't need Santa seeing me in my underwear.
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Dear Aunt Loretta, Thank you so much for the awesome pants! How did you know I wanted that for Christmas? I love the way the pants look on my legs! All my friends will be so jealous that I have my very own pants. Thank you for making this the best Christmas ever! Sincerely, Greg
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First of all, let me get this straight: This is a JOURNAL, not a diary. I know what it says on the cover, but when Mom went out to buy this thing I SPECIFICALLY told her to get one that didn't say 'diary' on it.
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Monkeys can't talk, stupid!
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So if you want to find somebody to blame for the way i am, I guess you'd have to start with the public education system.
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See, when you're a little kid, nobody ever warns you that you've got an expiration date. One day you're hot stuff and the next day you're a dirt sandwich.
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hot pink looks cute on only janet which is MEEEEEEE!!!
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Chirag: Rowley, do you think I exist? Rowley: Nope! I can't even hear you or see you!
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I'm probably something like 95% chicken nugget
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I only work on my books at nights and at weekends. It is really just like a hobby.
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I didn't really know what to expect from detention but when I waked into the room, the first thought I had was, I don't belong in here with these future criminals.
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hay he's a great writer and i like him a lot
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Holly is the fourth-prettiest girl in the class, but the top 3 all have boyfriends. So a lot of guys like me are doing everything they can to get in good with her.
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You and your group of nerds fall into a pit and it's full of dynamite and you blow up. The End.
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I realised all the good ideas were taken before I was even born.
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Well, the problem is, it's not easy for me to think of ways to improve myself, because I'm pretty much one of the best people I know.
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I`m basically one of the best people I know.
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