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First of all, let me get this straight: This is a JOURNAL, not a diary. I know what it says on the cover, but when Mom went out to buy this thing I SPECIFICALLY told her to get one that didn't say 'diary' on it.

Jeff Kinney

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Jeff Kinney
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: February 19
Author
Caricaturist
Game Designer
Fort Washington
Maryland
Jeffrey Patrick Kinney
Says
Diary
Went
Diaries
Didn
Specifically
Firsts
Journal
First
Cover
Thing
Straight
Mom
Told

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I'm probably something like 95% chicken nugget
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I'm not really sure what makes a book a 'classic' to begin with, but I think it has to be at least fifty years old and some person or animal has to die at the end.
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I don't know what a guy needs to do to impress a girl these days.
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I didn't really know what to expect from detention but when I waked into the room, the first thought I had was, I don't belong in here with these future criminals.
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Dear Aunt Loretta, Thank you so much for the awesome pants! How did you know I wanted that for Christmas? I love the way the pants look on my legs! All my friends will be so jealous that I have my very own pants. Thank you for making this the best Christmas ever! Sincerely, Greg
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Back in those days it was just me swimming around in the dark, doing back flips and taking naps whenever I want.
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You can't expect everyone to have the same dedication as you.
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It's not easy to writing thank-you notes for the stuff you didn't want in the first place.
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I`m basically one of the best people I know.
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You and your group of nerds fall into a pit and it's full of dynamite and you blow up. The End.
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Chirag: Rowley, do you think I exist? Rowley: Nope! I can't even hear you or see you!
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Holly is the fourth-prettiest girl in the class, but the top 3 all have boyfriends. So a lot of guys like me are doing everything they can to get in good with her.
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See, when you're a little kid, nobody ever warns you that you've got an expiration date. One day you're hot stuff and the next day you're a dirt sandwich.
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So I've started wearing sweatpants to bed because I really don't need Santa seeing me in my underwear.
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I think humor is key [to a successful middle-grade novel]. Kids like to read for entertainment, and the best way to entertain kids is to make them laugh.
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Monkeys can't talk, stupid!
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He got the crib, so for the first few months of my life I had to sleep in the top dresser drawer, which I'm pretty sure isn't even legal.
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When you're used to having electricity and then all of a sudden it's taken away, you're basically just one step from being a wild animal.
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Mom is always saying I'm a smart kid, but that I just don't apply myself.
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hot pink looks cute on only janet which is MEEEEEEE!!!
Jeff Kinney