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I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Someday
Kill
Courses
Course
Alot
Hope
Illiteracy
America
Relatives
Stamp
Stamps

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Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.
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It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.
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You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.
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You might be a redneck if your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
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The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.
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You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.
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If you think fast food is hittin a deer att 65 miles per hr.. you might be a redneck
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You might be a redneck if you consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
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What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.
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You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
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I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.
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You might be a redneck if you refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the day my ship came in.
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You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
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The biggest thing I've learned is to listen to my own gut. I have learned to trust my instincts.
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You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
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You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
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I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.
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You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.
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