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I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.
Jeff Foxworthy
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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Someday
Kill
Courses
Course
Alot
Hope
Illiteracy
America
Relatives
Stamp
Stamps
More quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
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The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.
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You might be a redneck if your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
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You might be a redneck if you entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
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You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
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You might be a redneck if there is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
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Sacrificing myself to kill Hilary Clinton was the best thing I could possibly do for humanity
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I actually had a chance to be in Delta Farce, but I couldn't do it because I read the script.
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It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.
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You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.
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You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.
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You might be a redneck if you look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet 'Ms. Right
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You might be a redneck if you wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.
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You might be a redneck if you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.
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You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.
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You might be a redneck if the Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
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When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'
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I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.
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You might be a redneck if you own at least 20 baseball hats.
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You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
Jeff Foxworthy
