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Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.
Jeff Foxworthy
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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Tree
Hanging
Feet
Tall
Break
Foot
Morning
Chains
Lives
Criminals
House
Grass
Engine
Kind
Gun
Chain
Dog
Engines
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Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.
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The biggest thing I've learned is to listen to my own gut. I have learned to trust my instincts.
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When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.
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You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
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A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'
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You might be a redneck if you entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
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You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
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If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!
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You might be a redneck if directions to your house include turn off the paved road.
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You might be a redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
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Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.
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I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.
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You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.
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I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.
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Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.
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You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the Dirt for Sale sign in the front yard.
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You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
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You might be a redneck if the best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
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You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
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Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.
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