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If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Bigs
Antiques
Ever
Shopping
Gay
Married
Football
Game
Either
Games
Antique

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You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
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Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
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You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.
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You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
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You might be a redneck if motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.
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You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.
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You know that you are a teacher when you spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.
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You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
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Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.
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My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
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You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.
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You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
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Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges he got guys off the fishing docks.
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It's sad when you see somebody that talented that passes away and doesn't have to.
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I really don't require a whole lot in life.
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You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
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You might be a redneck if your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
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You might be a redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
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