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If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.
Jeff Foxworthy
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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Married
Football
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Either
Games
Antique
Bigs
Antiques
Ever
Shopping
Gay
More quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.
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It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.
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You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
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You might be a redneck if there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.
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You might be a redneck if your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
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You might be a redneck if you're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
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We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.
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A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'
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Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
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Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication
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I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.
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You might be a redneck if you see a sign that says Say No To Crack and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.
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You might be a redneck if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are Howdy!, Hey! or How Y'all Doin'?
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You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding!
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You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
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You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
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We really didn't have the option of being couch potatoes when I was growing up. There were only three television channels and the only kid's programming was on Saturday morning. We always played outside until we could hear Mom calling us (not by cell phone but with her hands cupped around her mouth) that it was dinner time.
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You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor.
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You might be a redneck if you think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
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You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Jeff Foxworthy
