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I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.
Jeff Foxworthy
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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
High
School
Together
Never
Janitor
Owned
Crap
Tonight
Keys
More quotes by Jeff Foxworthy
You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
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The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.
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I've got nothing against tattoos. I don't have one myself. If I did, it would be right there next to my watch. It would say Your wife's birthday is August 2nd, your anniversary is September 18th, don't let Ron White drive your car again.
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You might be a redneck if there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.
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Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.
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As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.
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If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.
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You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.
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You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
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You might be a redneck if the Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.
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You might be a redneck if your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
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You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
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You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.
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You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
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The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up... until the day you got the security deposit back. You're arguing with the landlord... 'No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!'
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Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.
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You might be a redneck if your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
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Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication
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You might be a redneck if your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
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