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I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.
Jeff Foxworthy
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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Together
Never
Janitor
Owned
Crap
Tonight
Keys
High
School
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Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.
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If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.
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You might be a redneck if you see a sign that says Say No To Crack and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.
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You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
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You know that you are a teacher when you spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.
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You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
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You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.
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You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
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You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
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You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
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You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
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You might be a redneck if your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
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If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
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