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I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Never
Janitor
Owned
Crap
Tonight
Keys
High
School
Together

More quotes by Jeff Foxworthy

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If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.
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We probably stagnate our children's emotional growth by not letting them have some separation from us.
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You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
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I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.
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I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.
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If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.
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You might be a redneck if there is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
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You might be a redneck if your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
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You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.
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People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.
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I would love for someone to offer me a serious part in something. I don't know if I could even pull it off, but I would like to be the cowboy that rides off and someone shoots him off the horse in the middle of town. Just a serious role. It wouldn't have to be a big one.
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You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
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If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of greater Pittsburgh, you ain't nobody's babydoll.
Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are Howdy!, Hey! or How Y'all Doin'?
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[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.
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You might be a redneck if the tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.
Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.
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You might be a redneck if you grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.
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I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.
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