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People are like, Hey, Jeff, lemme tell you... I'm like, Hold on, let me get a pen and a piece of paper.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Tell
Like
Jeff
People
Pens
Hey
Piece
Paper
Hold
Pieces

More quotes by Jeff Foxworthy

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I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.
Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.
Jeff Foxworthy
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We really didn't have the option of being couch potatoes when I was growing up. There were only three television channels and the only kid's programming was on Saturday morning. We always played outside until we could hear Mom calling us (not by cell phone but with her hands cupped around her mouth) that it was dinner time.
Jeff Foxworthy
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I just love people. I love this country. I am the American dream. I grew up by the airport with a dirt yard. Never in my life should I have been a success. So that's what I love about this country [USA], is you get out there and you have the opportunity and you work hard at it, and you can be a success.
Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.
Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if...you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado.
Jeff Foxworthy
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Sacrificing myself to kill Hilary Clinton was the best thing I could possibly do for humanity
Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase Open up, Police!
Jeff Foxworthy
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Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
Jeff Foxworthy
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If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy
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You can call us rednecks if you want. We're not offended, 'cause we know what we're all about. We get up and go to work, we get up and go to church, and we get up and go to war when necessary.
Jeff Foxworthy
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I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.
Jeff Foxworthy
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You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.
Jeff Foxworthy
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People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.
Jeff Foxworthy
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If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.
Jeff Foxworthy
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If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
Jeff Foxworthy