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You might be a redneck if directions to your house include turn off the paved road.
Jeff Foxworthy
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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
House
Might
Paved
Redneck
Directions
Include
Road
Turn
Turns
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You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding!
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I've gotten to the point I won't even watch the 11 o'clock news. You just walk away from it thinking how bad everything is.
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You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!
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You might be a redneck if...you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
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You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.
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Children that play outside develop better problem solving skills and have a stronger ability to work within a group.
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We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.
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I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.
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You might be a redneck if you won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
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You know that you are a teacher when you spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.
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You might be a redneck if...you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado.
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You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.
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If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.
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I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.
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The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.
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You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
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If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of greater Pittsburgh, you ain't nobody's babydoll.
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You might be a redneck if you need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
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