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You might be a redneck if an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Episodes
Texas
Changed
Ranger
Might
Walker
Life
Walkers
Rangers
Episode
Redneck

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I would love for someone to offer me a serious part in something. I don't know if I could even pull it off, but I would like to be the cowboy that rides off and someone shoots him off the horse in the middle of town. Just a serious role. It wouldn't have to be a big one.
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You might be a redneck if you can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
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You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
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You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
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Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.
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Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges he got guys off the fishing docks.
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I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.
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If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.
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[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.
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You might be a redneck if motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.
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You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
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Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating.
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You might be a redneck if you grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.
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You might be a redneck if somebody hollers ho-down and your girlfriend hits the floor.
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You might be a redneck if your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
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Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.
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You might be a redneck if the first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are Howdy!, Hey! or How Y'all Doin'?
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You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.
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You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
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Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.
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