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You might be a redneck if an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Episodes
Texas
Changed
Ranger
Might
Walker
Life
Walkers
Rangers
Episode
Redneck

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You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
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The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up... until the day you got the security deposit back. You're arguing with the landlord... 'No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!'
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We probably stagnate our children's emotional growth by not letting them have some separation from us.
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If men have a smell it's usually an accident.
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You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
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You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.
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As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.
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You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
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The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.
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You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
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You might be a redneck if your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
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You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
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You might be a redneck if the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.
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You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
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If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.
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It's sad when you see somebody that talented that passes away and doesn't have to.
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If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
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I've got keys to crap I've never owned. You put all my keys together I could be a high school janitor tonight.
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You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.
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I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead
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