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You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Mud
Redneck
Tonight
Hungry
Kids
Might
Going
Flaps
Yosemite

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Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.
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When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'
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You might be a redneck if you look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet 'Ms. Right
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You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.
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I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.
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My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
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Sacrificing myself to kill Hilary Clinton was the best thing I could possibly do for humanity
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You might be a redneck if...you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
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I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.
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The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.
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You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
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You might be a redneck if you're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
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You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
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You might be a redneck if your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.
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Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication
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Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.
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I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
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