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You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Decline
Salvation
Army
Might
Mattress
Declines
Mattresses
Redneck

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I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.
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Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.
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You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.
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You might be a redneck if...you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
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You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
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You might be a redneck if your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
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Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.
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I actually had a chance to be in Delta Farce, but I couldn't do it because I read the script.
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Talking with Gary Busey is kinda like sex. You want to do it, you just don't want to be alone when you do it.
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You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.
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I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.
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If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.
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You might be a redneck if your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
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You might be a redneck if the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.
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Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.
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If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
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It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.
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You might be a redneck if... the blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
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You might be a redneck if you see a sign that says Say No To Crack and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.
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I just love people. I love this country. I am the American dream. I grew up by the airport with a dirt yard. Never in my life should I have been a success. So that's what I love about this country [USA], is you get out there and you have the opportunity and you work hard at it, and you can be a success.
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