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You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Mattresses
Redneck
Decline
Salvation
Army
Might
Mattress
Declines

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Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.
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Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.
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You might be a redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
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You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
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You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
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You might be a redneck if you think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
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You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding!
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You might be a redneck if your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
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You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
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You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.
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My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
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You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.
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You might be a redneck if an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.
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If you think fast food is hittin a deer att 65 miles per hr.. you might be a redneck
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If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
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I really don't require a whole lot in life.
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