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You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Decline
Salvation
Army
Might
Mattress
Declines
Mattresses
Redneck

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I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead
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There's no down time any more.
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You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
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You might be a redneck if you grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.
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I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.
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If men have a smell it's usually an accident.
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When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'
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You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.
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If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.
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You might be a redneck if you need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
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You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.
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You might be a redneck if...you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado.
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You might be a redneck if the biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
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[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.
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If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.
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If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!
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You might be a redneck if you wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.
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Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.
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You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
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