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You might be a redneck if your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Might
Cables
Telephone
Redneck
Telephones
Table
Tables
Coffee
Used
Cable

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I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.
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You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
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You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.
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I've got nothing against tattoos. I don't have one myself. If I did, it would be right there next to my watch. It would say Your wife's birthday is August 2nd, your anniversary is September 18th, don't let Ron White drive your car again.
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You might be a redneck if your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
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Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.
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You might be a redneck if your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.
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You might be a redneck if your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
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You might be a redneck if you're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
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I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.
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You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
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If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.
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You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.
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Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
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You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
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Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges he got guys off the fishing docks.
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If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.
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