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You might be a redneck if you give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Gallon
Gallons
Redneck
Birthday
Dad
Give
Might
Giving

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Louisiana has the best food on the planet if you don't really ask too much about what you're eating.
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You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
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Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.
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You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
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I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.
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You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
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You might be a redneck if your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
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You might be a redneck if you need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
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You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.
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Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.
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My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
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You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
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You might be a redneck if the best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
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You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor.
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You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
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I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.
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Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.
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If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.
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If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of greater Pittsburgh, you ain't nobody's babydoll.
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