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You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Quitting
Opening
Father
Rack
School
Racks
Might
Encourages
Larry
Redneck
Quit

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You might be a redneck if there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.
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You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
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You might be a redneck if you wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.
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You might be a redneck if you're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing I Will Always Love You.
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Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.
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You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.
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The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.
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If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!
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If most people wanted to be incognito, they put on a fake beard or mustache. If I wanted to I'd just shave mine off.
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Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.
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You might be a redneck if your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.
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You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
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Kids aren't suppose to have cancer, they're suppose to have a future.
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You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
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You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
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If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.
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You might be a redneck if an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.
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You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.
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If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.
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