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You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Toothpick
Toothpicks
Redneck
Wedding
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Might

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You don't get married to get sex. Getting married to get sex is like buying a 747 to get free peanuts.
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The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.
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You might be a redneck if you think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
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You might be a redneck if you're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing I Will Always Love You.
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Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.
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You might be a redneck if your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
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You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.
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I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead
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You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
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You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.
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You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.
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You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
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Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication
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You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
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You might be a redneck if you look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet 'Ms. Right
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You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
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If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
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You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
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