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You might be a redneck if your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Hunting
Dress
Dresses
Best
Might
Tore
Momma
Redneck

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You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.
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The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up... until the day you got the security deposit back. You're arguing with the landlord... 'No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!'
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You might be a redneck if the tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
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Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.
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You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase Open up, Police!
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You might be a redneck if Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
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You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
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When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.
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You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
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You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
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You might be a redneck if the biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
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Kids aren't suppose to have cancer, they're suppose to have a future.
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I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.
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You might be a redneck if your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
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You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
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You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
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If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!
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We probably stagnate our children's emotional growth by not letting them have some separation from us.
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