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You might be a redneck if you look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet 'Ms. Right

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Upon
Family
Look
Might
Looks
Reunion
Right
Redneck
Meet
Chance

More quotes by Jeff Foxworthy

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I would love for someone to offer me a serious part in something. I don't know if I could even pull it off, but I would like to be the cowboy that rides off and someone shoots him off the horse in the middle of town. Just a serious role. It wouldn't have to be a big one.
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You might be a redneck if you think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
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The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.
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Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? You put on something from the cleaners, they're gonna spit up just like that. My wardrobe looks like we have condors living in our yard.
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You might be a redneck if you entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
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You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.
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You might be a redneck if when you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
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My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
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I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.
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You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
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If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.
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You might be a redneck if you have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
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If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.
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You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
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Because criminals know that when they see a house with 2 foot tall grass, a dog on a chain, and an engine hanging from a tree, a gun lives in that house. And if you want to know what kind, just break in at 2 in the morning.
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You know that you are a teacher when you spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.
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Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.
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You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.
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People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.
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To me, the media in New York and LA have always missed the essence of this country.
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