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You might be a redneck if in an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Effort
Might
Lite
Spam
Cholesterol
Redneck
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The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.
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You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.
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You might be a redneck if the tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
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I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.
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You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
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You might be a redneck if you wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.
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You might be a redneck if there are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.
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If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.
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You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.
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You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.
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I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.
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You might be a redneck if your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
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You might be a redneck if three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
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As a comedian I appreciate every kind of comedy. You decide for yourself what you're going to do.
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Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.
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You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.
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Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.
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Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
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You might be a redneck if your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.
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I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.
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