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You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Might
Tupperware
Haircut
Haircuts
Redneck
Party

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When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.
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I would love for someone to offer me a serious part in something. I don't know if I could even pull it off, but I would like to be the cowboy that rides off and someone shoots him off the horse in the middle of town. Just a serious role. It wouldn't have to be a big one.
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If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!
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You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
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You might be a redneck if directions to your house include turn off the paved road.
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You might be a redneck if your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.
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You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
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If you can't remember the last time you had sex with a woman, you're either gay, or married.
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You might be a redneck if the highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.
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You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
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You might be a redneck if you're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
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My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
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Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.
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You might be a redneck if you entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
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You might be a redneck if an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.
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I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.
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What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.
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You might be a redneck if your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event.
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You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.
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