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You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Needs
Shopping
Girlfriend
Sister
Christmas
Mom
Gift
Might
Need
Redneck

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I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.
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You might be a redneck if you refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the day my ship came in.
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You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
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You may be a redneck if . . . you think you are an entrepreneur because of the Dirt for Sale sign in the front yard.
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You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
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You might be a redneck if you need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
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You might be a redneck if you have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.
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You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word rug rat.
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You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
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You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
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You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.
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You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
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I got my wife a mood ring. It works real good! When shes in a good mood it turns blue, but when shes in a bad mood theres a red mark across my forehead
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You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.
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Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.
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You might be a redneck if you grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.
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You might be a redneck if your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.
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A lot of people up North, they think everybody from the South is married to their sister and has seen a UFO. I told them, 'I'm just dating my sister and couldn't swear that it wasn't a weather balloon.'
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I hope someday we can stamp out illiteracy in America. Of course you'll have to kill alot of my relatives to do it.
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If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!
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