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You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Mom
Gift
Might
Need
Redneck
Needs
Shopping
Girlfriend
Sister
Christmas

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You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
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You might be a redneck if an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger changed your life.
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If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.
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You might be a redneck if taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
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It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.
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Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.
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You might be a redneck if you watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
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I would love for someone to offer me a serious part in something. I don't know if I could even pull it off, but I would like to be the cowboy that rides off and someone shoots him off the horse in the middle of town. Just a serious role. It wouldn't have to be a big one.
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You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
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You might be a redneck if when you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank.
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You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.
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You might be a redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
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Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication
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You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
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Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.
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You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
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When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'
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You might be a redneck if a full-grown ostrich has fewer feathers than your cowboy hat.
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[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.
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You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
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