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You might be a redneck if you consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Gourmet
Pork
Redneck
Beans
Consider
Food
Might

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You might be a redneck if...you've been on TV more than times describing the sound of a tornado.
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You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase Open up, Police!
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You might be a redneck if you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.
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I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.
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You might be a redneck if you keep a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach your kids in the back seat of the car.
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You might be a redneck if your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
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You might be a redneck if the best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
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My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
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If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!
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If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
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Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.
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You might be a redneck if your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.
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You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!
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You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
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You might be a redneck if motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.
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Have you ever seen people so ugly that you have to get someone else to verify it?
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Every generation thinks they invented sex, which is the stupidest assumption in the world because if that was the case, you wouldn't even be here.
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You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.
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You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.
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You might be a redneck if your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
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