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You might be a redneck if the tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Might
Men
Redneck
Tobacco
Aren
Family

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You might be a redneck if...you bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
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As a comic, you learn to use your voice because you don't have the benefit of visual things.
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You might be a redneck if you wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.
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It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.
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There's no down time any more.
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You might be a redneck if you have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
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If you're a man and you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay or married.
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You might be a redneck if the antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.
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You break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.
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I would love for someone to offer me a serious part in something. I don't know if I could even pull it off, but I would like to be the cowboy that rides off and someone shoots him off the horse in the middle of town. Just a serious role. It wouldn't have to be a big one.
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If your thighs look like the hood of a white Toyota minivan after a hailstorm, you aren't juicy.
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You might be a redneck if your grandfather completely executes the pull my finger trick at the family reunion.
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You might be a redneck if you own at least 20 baseball hats.
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Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.
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My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
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You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.
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You might be a redneck if you can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.
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The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.
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You might be a redneck if the richest member of your family bought a house and you have to help take the wheels off of it.
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I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.
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