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You might be a redneck if your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.

Jeff Foxworthy

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Jeff Foxworthy
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: September 6
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Voice Actor
Writer
Atlanta
Georgia
Helping
Tire
Might
Flat
Flats
Calls
Cause
Causes
Help
Momma
House
Redneck

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You might be a redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
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If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.
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I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.
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You might be a redneck if getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
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Sacrificing myself to kill Hilary Clinton was the best thing I could possibly do for humanity
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You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor.
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You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
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If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.
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You might be a redneck if your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
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[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.
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You might be a redneck if you had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
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The thing about that singles apartment is you never had to clean it up... until the day you got the security deposit back. You're arguing with the landlord... 'No sir, the back door was missing when we moved in here! The pizzas were always on the ceiling!'
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The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.
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You might be a redneck if your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.
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You might be a redneck if you consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
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If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
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I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
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You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
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There's no down time any more.
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You know that you are a teacher when you spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.
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